Bells
August 25th, 2008Big Ben |
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| Little Knell |
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Big Ben |
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| Little Knell |
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Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I had impure thoughts, punched my sister, masturbated three times, and stole some cookies. It’s okay, Son. Say three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys,and What a relief. Say, Father, if that would happen, if I were run over and died and Everything you ever wanted, Son. You get to have impure thoughts, Live right, kid, Heaven is sweet. |
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Light verse springs from a long and distinguished tradition. Following are lines from Sir Alan Patrick Herbert, a member of the British Parliament representing Oxford and longtime contributor to Punch, who wrote under the byline A.P. Herbert.
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Lines for a Worthy Person Who has drifted by accident Into a Chelsea revel It is a very curious fact That those who write or paint or act, Compose or etch Or sculp or sketch, Or practise things like potteryHave not got consciences like us, Are frankly not monogamous; Their moral tone Is all their own, Their love affairs a lottery.It’s hard to say why writing verse Should terminate in drink or worse, Why flutes and harps And flats and sharps Should lead to indiscretions;But if you read the Poets’ Lives You’ll find the number of their wives In fact exceeds The normal needsOf almost all professions. |
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| Excerpted from Uncalculated Risks |
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Never drive an oncoming car, and never ride in one. Nothing good ever happens to oncoming cars. They are forever colliding with vehicles that travel in the proper direction, but out of control. This is one precaution that the National Safety Council and the various auto clubs have failed to list. Their experts have explored the science of unwholesome driving habits so intensively that they overlook the obvious. |
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I abandon my beloved pets in various cities, knowing that one day one of them may find his way home, and I’ll be SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM! |
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