| In a carefully orchestrated collision near Chicago at 300 billion electron volts, dashing about, a neutron, once part of Bishop Berkeley’s umbrella, met a proton, some say from a tooth of the Venerable Bede (others insist from Samuel Johnson’s sinuses, exhaled and later enrolled in a drop of London rain) met and, in that agitated state, botched everything: fused, let fly one tense, ephemeral particle of truth and failed to make a particle of difference |
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The Meek shall inherit the Earth? Shit, the Meek won’t last a week. And what’s the inheritance worth? Is the Earth what the meek should seek? What the Meek shall inherit is earth, |
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“It now appears that an important function of bird song is the proclamation of territorial ownership, thus reducing energy wasted in fighting over the matter.” |
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My heart aches and a drowsy numbness pains My sense, to hear the bird who quickened Keats And know the true intent of those refrains: “Keep off the grass that hides my morning meats!” That burnished dove of Tennyson’s; the lark Go on, you Pecksniff canticlers: disgrace Whatever whip or will inspires birds, |
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For want of a verb the phrase was lost. For want of a phrase the clause was lost. For want of a clause the premise was lost. For want of a premise the proof was lost. For want of a proof the reason was lost. For want of a reason for being, we’re lost … Pause Being being a verb, |
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| Excerpted from Robbing Nonpeter to Pay Nonpaul (filed under “Articles”) |
| The trouble started when food production began to exceed food consumption. We have to eat up all the produce to keep prices stable. But government leaders knew that any attempt to correct the imbalance by encouraging people to eat more would be opposed by the powerful AMA lobby as socialized obesity. So the only way to compensate for all the nonconsumption was to create an equal amount of nonproduction. It was simple. They decided to tax consumers for not consuming, then use the money to pay farmers for not farming. It’s such a beautiful idea that we retain it, whether or not it works, for aesthetic reasons. |
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"If Instead of Apes We Had Come from Grapes" is the new book of light verse written and illustrated |
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Australopithecus Erectus |
Al Van Dine's
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Structurals |
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- Pyramids |
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The Skeptical Investor |
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No Bell Prizes |
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Book Notes |
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Charles the Foolish |
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