Gentlemen, stop your chattering. We are here convened to discuss uses of our new invention, the circle, as most of you call it, or (let us ever heed the word of our sacred crazy man), "the wheel."|
True, it can roll downhill. If it knocks over a bear, we'll eat it.
True, we can hollow it out and have a large, shallow bowl or a large, shallow birdbath.
Yes, we can use it as a table so all can eat the same meat without bumping their heads.
Yes, we can place it on the ground and use it as a tree stump, but gentlemen, we've been tripping over stumps ever since we discovered the axe.
And we do not need a large bowl because the bowls we have are precisely the size of our soup.
As for the birds, they bathe often enough.
Gentlemen, we return to zero. We might have invented the pliers; but no, we make a pointless, hopeless, self-devouring circle that is shaped like a council of war but attacks nobody.
Ah, yes. You, sir... speak, o holy, incomprehensible oracle. A second wheel, you say? Make another wheel? Another wheel!
Prophet, back to your tree. Think on great turnings of truth and leave this engineering to the boys.
We are men. We have our pride. The last sacred crazy man who spoke of second wheels, we brained him with an axle and he died.
"If Instead of Apes
We Had Come from Grapes"
is a book of light verse
written and illustrated
by Alan Van Dine